can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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