This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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