Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
