so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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