so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
