Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
