Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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