My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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