I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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