Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
