All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
