omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
