my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
