I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
we should paint friendship bongs
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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