I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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