marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
