You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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