They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
