paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
vagina is talking i cant
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
