Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
