My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
