he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
