She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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