Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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