Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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