Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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