just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
