Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
