I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
