You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
