OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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