ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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