Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
