I bet he comes in French.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
