I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
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You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
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Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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