So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Randomize
