Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
