i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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