moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
