You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
