And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
