So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
