If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
