It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
there is glitter all over my balls
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
