did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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