imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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