Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
