So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We need a shit load of segways right now
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
