I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
