We're like a lot better than the average bears
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
