I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
