i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Randomize
