Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
