Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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