I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
