4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
