i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
