eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
