I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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