She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
