There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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