Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
