i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
