Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
