How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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