Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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