HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
