Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
