why didn't you poke me back
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Your tits are I can't wait for
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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