I wish my penis had an off switch
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You pole danced in your parka.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
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