I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
thus making me awesome and them whores
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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