sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
