i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
