Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
